Now, before I launch in here, let me caveat that I’m lucky to have a fabulous family, we get on well although my immediate family is very small, mum, dad, brother, sister in law and moi. Outside of that, there are a few aunts and one uncle left and they all have families too, but they are spread all across not only this country but also the globe, mainly Australia and New Zealand. However, when we do get together, we have a lot of fun and I’m grateful that I come from this eclectic family. However, I have augmented my ‘blood family’ with my own family of friends and I love them dearly too.
I left my hometown of Lincoln at 18, and have never really gone back, not because of any bad blood, but because I was drawn to the bright lights of Sheffield (10 years) and then ‘down souf’ which is where I’ve made my home for the last 30+ years. Being 3 hours from the family doesn’t make for easy visiting, and certainly no popping round for a cuppa or a cosy evening supper when I, or they, need a chat. I made my proverbial bed and it’s up to me to make a life for myself in my chosen domain, which includes surrounding myself with ‘family’ who are nearer. It’s also up to me to make the effort to see the related family, usually resulting in a weekend trip every 4-5 weeks, especially now that the parents are getting on a bit and are in need of more support. I also make time to phone them every day, and Zoom on Sundays, so the distance doesn’t have to be a barrier. However, not having family around to support me comes at a price.
This woman cannot live by phone calls, email and text alone and I’ve learnt over the years that family can take many different guises. I’m prompted to write about this having been struck down by a rotten bout of Covid which quite frankly has been both inconvenient and worse than I’d imagined. I had naively thought that a few days in bed would sort me out, but no, Covid has been horrible, I’ve been miserable and weak as a kitten and 8 days later, I’m still testing positive and therefore isolating. However, I have been heartened by how much my friends and neighbours have rallied round. Offers of shopping have been plentiful and I’ve been spoilt by both flowers and chocolates through the post, alongside lots of emails and texts to check up on me – my friendship family have really come up trumps and I’m truly grateful.
I like to think that I too am a good friend, not just when the chips are down, but a friend for all occasions. It isn’t about massive declarations or constant presence, but it’s about knowing that as a good friend, you are there for your mates, in both good and bad times. As a single person, do I work harder at creating friends or is it just in my DNA? I like to think it’s a bit of both. Being an extroverted introvert, I like my social times and I like my alone times whereas some friends I know can’t bear to have gaps in their diaries and seek to fill every moment.
I also like my range of friends – some are hyper intellectual and I know I will always learn from them; some are social butterflies drifting in and out of my life as and when; some are keep fit buddies who motivate me when I need it; some go way back and know me better than I know myself; some are new and we are getting to know each other. As the anonymous quotes goes, ‘friends come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime’. I certainly think it’s true and no longer lament when friends disappear, some come back, they didn’t disappear really, they just had other priorities and some don’t reappear and that’s OK, I’m not going to beat myself up about it. I think the better quote is that ‘friends are like stars, you don’t always see them, you know that they are always there’. I know that I haven’t seen a couple of my close friends for a few years now, but that doesn’t mean they are any less of a friend, it’s just circumstance, I still love them and consider them part of my extended family and we communicate on email, zoom, texts etc.
I was reminded of this when talking to a good friend who’s extremely close to her 2 sisters and their families. Every weekend offers some social occasion or riotous Sunday lunch and she knows that she need never be alone. I observed that her friendship circle is smaller than mine and we mused that it was probably because with her sisters, she had that ready made close friendships whilst I had gone out and found an extended family on which to lean on.
I recently had an old friend also come back on the radar after 5/6 years and that’s great too, there’s enough space for everyone, but what about our furry friends?
I’d absolutely love to have a dog and I’m constantly weighing up what changes I need to make to my life to accommodate one and whether it would ever be fair on the dog if I did, as I work full time and go out a lot.
I also believe that pets are great therapy, especially dogs as they need walking and will encourage owners to get out into the fresh air at least once a day. The great outdoors always cheers me up, no matter what the season and whilst I’m often out walking alone, I do know that I would feel better if I was walking a dog. But it’s just not possible right now. I do know that for some people, just looking after a pet is essential for their mental health. Pets provide the kind of unconditional love that is seldom available anywhere else. It’s no secret that pets – dogs, cats, horses, birds etc – can calm anxiety, reduce blood pressure and overall improve cardiovascular health. They can also teach us to be less selfish and put others before ourselves but I just can’t see how to make it work for me right now.
However, I’d really, really, really love a dog. GUSHING ALERT! I’m forever looking at the tonnes of photos I have of Dave the cockerpoo, the parents’ pooch. He’s a tiny bit bonkers, and very boisterous, but he’s adorable and we have a special bond. When I visit, he greets me like a long lost friend, although I guess 4 weeks is a very long time for a dog to miss someone. He’s also very affectionate and lets me rub his tummy for hours on end. We also go for long walks and I try to take him to new places so that he’s making new memories. Dave is certainly very special but I think he might have competitor. My brother and his wife just got a new Yorkshire terrier called Cooper after having their gorgeous Molly dog put to sleep at the grand old age of 18. Molly was definitely a character, but Cooper is settling in well although a very different kind of character and keeping them on their toes. The photos I’ve seen so far are adorable but I guess the same can be said for every puppy or kitten. However, he has made my heart ache just that little bit more, so after much thought, I’ve decided to sign up to Borrow My Doggy https://www.borrowmydoggy.com/ and see if I can kill 2 birds with one stone – get some vicarious doggy love locally and help out another owner who would appreciate some help – watch this space.
So, when asked the question, who is your family? The answer will depend on your circumstances and whether from a big or small family, whether pets are your closest friends – everyone can make their own version of what a family is to them.
Who do you consider to be your family and are pets involved?!
With love
Julia, AKA Just Me.
