If the first sounds of Wham’s ‘Last Christmas’ leaves you cowering in a corner, you’re not alone. Whilst I quite like this time of year (Christmas was always made special for us by our parents and it’s left lasting happy memories), it’s probably the only time of the year where I can feel a tad lonely and wish I was wrapped in the arms of a tall, strong silver fox. Ok, it used to be a tall dark handsome man, but I’m a bit more realistic these days!
Why do I feel like this? I don’t really know, but guess it has something to do with the romance attached to this time of the year and the endless stream of Christmas rom coms hitting us as soon as Halloween is over. But when I think back, romantic assignations at this time of the year have usually been fraught with tensions: His parents or mine? How much should we spend on presents? Will he like what I get him? Will I manage not to burn the lunch? Will he put enough thought into my gift and will I like what he’s bought? Now please don’t judge me by that last statement, it’s not about the value, it’s about the thought and the planning. I don’t want to think that he rushed out on Christmas Eve and bought the first thing he saw, I want the gift to be really personal and have had some emotional investment.
Over the years, I’ve experimented with how to make Christmas the most magical time of all with the man of the moment and have been open to suggestions, but quite frankly, none of the romantic memories make my heart sing. There was the time with Mr C when I spent forever making up a stocking for him with tonnes of well thought out gifts (well, to my mind they were) and he just opened them and tossed them aside insisting that I opened his gifts which turned out to be couple of things off my list to my parents (I was not happy) and then we fell out about whose parents to have lunch with (mine obvs!)
Neither will I blame the policeman ex for when I got Norovirus on Christmas day, but insisting that we should still have Christmas dinner was a bit much, especially the bit where he left me to go back to his place to avoid getting sick himself really did take the proverbial.
Then there was the time when the South African and I got dressed up and did the full black tie ensemble at home but we got plastered, fell asleep before the clearing up was done and both ended up with the hangovers from hell the next day made worse by the festering left overs and didn’t speak for ages.
Perhaps some of the happiest times (romance wise) were when Christmas was less of a focus and we travelled away on safari and toasted the arrival of Christmas under moonlit stars. It would have been lovely except TSA (The South African) was not really a fan of Christmas and refused to open presents until Boxing Day when everyone knows, the magic has gone by then!
I do recall that the first few Christmases after Mr C and I had split up were terribly painful. I couldn’t bear the thought of being the divorcee at the party, so I’d insist on waking up alone in my own house and driving up to the parents house (3 hours away) listing to cassettes in the car to avoid any sentimental rubbish on the radio. I usually found I’d stopped crying by about Leicester and could put on a brave face for the parents, despite feeling a failure and my heart breaking just a little more with every hour that passed. However, once I was in the safety of my parents’ house and buoyed up by the smell of turkey cooking and toasting Christmas in with the Bucks Fizz and Croft Original, I’d forget my woes and settle into the traditional family Christmas. I’ve always been grateful for the traditional Christmases my parents have put so much effort in to and which we still carry out to this day.
However, Christmas doesn’t always have to be romantic or family orientated either. One of the most memorable times was spent with my bestie up in Chester. I arrived on Christmas Eve and we collected the turkey who was promptly nicknamed George (I forget why) and we then set off on foot to the local pub, where a jolly time was had by all, especially us. Apologies for the poor people in the petrol station on the way home, I know I’m tone deaf, but carol singing at the top of my voice always gives me joy despite deafening those around me! The next day we congratulated ourselves when Christmas morning dawned and we didn’t have hangovers, so out came the fizz and George was cooked with all the trimmings. Another friend arrived for lunch and promptly told us that we weren’t hungover because we were still drunk, he was right, so the only thing to do was to carry on celebrating. When the hangover did kick in it was pretty lethal, but we hunkered down with blankets, a real fire, some DVDs and lots of carbs to soothe it all away. It still brings a smile to our faces when we reminisce.
I also remember the Christmas where I escaped to visit family in New Zealand which was a whirlwind of parties and adventures in sunny seasonal climes. Your family and friends may be spread across the world and if you can’t visit, why not make the effort and invite them to a Zoom or Facetime call, technology can be a force for good.
Christmas doesn’t have to be spent with Mr/Mrs Right and we shouldn’t let Hollywood brainwash us into thinking that the whole world is having a better time than we are. The film ‘Love Actually’ is probably nearer to the truth for many people and ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ serves as a salutary tale for all of us. Christmas doesn’t define you, your life defines you as George’s Guardian Angel reminded him as he was about to end it all. So, if like me, Christmas can bring you down, reflect on your life beyond the festive season and remember Christmas is just a few days and there are another 350 odd days in which to revel and enjoy.
I know that this year especially, everyone is feeling the pinch, so more than ever, now is a time to define Christmas by kindness and ‘less’ is definitely ‘more’. I’m putting a lot of thought into my gifts this year and whilst it may not be my most affluent Christmas, it will probably be my most thoughtful one.
However, I also plan on getting out and about to enjoy the festive season with friends on the run up to this year’s Big Day. I will be doing much of the stuff that Covid forbade for the last 2 years, Carol Concerts, Christmas Lights in the ‘Big Smoke’, a couple of lunches with friends, the office ‘do’ and some local charity work before taking off to spend the actual day with the folks. Time is the most valuable gift of all and if you don’t have family around, I’m sure friends and local charities will welcome you with open arms.
But, if you do happen to find yourself alone this Christmas, remember it’s just a few days and if Mr/Mrs right isn’t there to hold your hand don’t let it bother you, embrace the freedom solo living affords you. Buy that dinner for one, open the Quality Street and toast yourself for being bloody amazing and imagine all the rows breaking out across the country as arguments unfold. Solo really does have many advantages so rejoice, enjoy control of the TV remote and look forward to a whole new year of adventures (and don’t forget to join Jetty Socials on Facebook for Instagram for inspiration https://www.facebook.com/groups/jettysocials and @jetty_socials).
With love
Julia, AKA Just Me.