Yup, that statement socked me right between the eyes too – or rather the ears, I was listening to an audio podcast at the time and it quite honestly stopped me dead.
The podcast in question was curated by the lovely Holly Tucker – Conversations of Inspiration – of which I’ve been a fan since she started. The guest in question was Dr Edith Eiger, a holocaust survivor who went on to become an eminent psychologist practicing in the United States, and specialises in treatment of post-traumatic stress disorder. She has also written her memoirs entitled ‘The Choice – Embrace the Possible’ – which I wholeheartedly recommend. Dr Edith is currently 94 years of age and still embracing the world. See below for an overview from www.dreditheger.com
‘A native of Hungary, Edith Eva Eger was just a teenager in 1944 when she experienced one of the worst evils the human race has ever known. As a Jew living in Nazi-occupied Eastern Europe, she and her family were sent to Auschwitz, the heinous death camp. Her parents were sent to the gas chambers but Edith’s bravery kept her and her sister alive. Toward the end of the war Edith and other prisoners had been moved to Austria. On May 4, 1945 a young American soldier noticed her hand moving slightly amongst a number of dead bodies. He quickly summoned medical help and brought her back from the brink of death.
After the war Edith moved to Czechoslovakia where she met the man she would marry. In 1949 they moved to the United States. In 1969 she received her degree in Psychology from the University of Texas, El Paso. She then pursued her doctoral internship at the William Beaumont Army Medical Center at Fort Bliss, Texas.’
So, now that you know the context, back to the podcast. I replayed the segment again just to check I was understanding it correctly and I was. Dr Edith maintains that one either does something or one doesn’t. That you either diet or you don’t, that you get fitter or you don’t and that trying is lying. Telling yourself that you are trying when really you aren’t is a stark, yet true truth. Simple yet so profound and when I thought about it, I had to agree, especially after hearing Dr Edith’s story and the unimaginable horrors she witnessed, including the sight of a young boy being used for target practice and a woman in labour with her legs bound shut.
So, I thought about it for a while. Is trying really lying? I guess it is when you think about it, you either take positive steps to do something or you don’t. There’s no good saying you tried to stop eating the ice cream on the couch, you put it there and you are eating it. The choice is yours, you eat or you don’t. At school, we either did our best or we didn’t. However, in this ever expanding world of equalities which seems to be on the rise these days, it seems that we just reward everyone for trying because everyone must get a star or a merit badge. Surely this is not the way to go. And before all the hate mail arrives, I am absolutely not defending the carrot and stick approach. There is no place for corporal punishment in our world. However, what I am championing is the need to promote ground rules to define some clear parameters in a challenging world and to do the right thing. My brother and I grew up, children of the 60’s, in a very loving home, yet we knew that we got one call to get up and that there was no option but to get up, no second chance. It taught up discipline and respect for our elders and I think that’s why we are both very honourable, respectful and, hardworking people today.
Most people who know me know that my word is my bond. If I say I will do something, I will. If I say I will be there, I will be, regardless of what may be going on in my life. I have to be at death’s door not to make a meeting/an engagement/a party, etc and even then, I will always try my best To demonstrate this point, I was rushed into hospital on the eve of my 50th birthday party. No one knew what was wrong although it was thought I was either having a brain haemorrhage or an embolism of some sort. Doctors were puzzled and I was vaguely aware of my kind friend who’d come to meet me there, speaking to them about getting in touch with my parents and brother in case this was ‘it’ but I forbade them to call until we knew for sure as I didn’t want to worry them.
Eventually, after being there all day with worsening symptoms one bright spark ran more blood tests and realised that I was having a thyroid storm ‘a very rare, but life-threatening, condition of the thyroid gland brought on by thyrotoxicosis which if left untreated, has a 90% mortality rate’.
A swarm of white coated doctors arrived and jabbed me full of hydrocortisone and pumped me full of fluids and electrolytes. It was like magic and within a few hours, my body calmed down and I was beginning to feel better but not yet ‘normal’ and I was told to expect a few days in hospital However, it left me with a dilemma. I had a huge fancy dress party organised for the next day with people arriving from all over the country, including my brother and sister-in-law who had just arrived at the hospital from Lincoln (kindly diverted en route by my friend). If I cancelled the party, they would lose their costume and hotel deposits and the food would go to waste as I’d passed cancellation point with the hotel. To my simple mind, the show must go on…
A few hours later, I asked the Doctor if I could go home. He thought I was bonkers, so I set about explaining my plan: discharge, go home, rest up on Saturday, do the party and then rest up again. He still thought I was bonkers, as did my brother and SIL, but they know that when I’m on a mission, I’m on a mission. I eventually brokered a deal with the Doctor, that I would discharge myself, so there was no come back on him or the hospital and that I would take it easy.
So, long story short, I really did get up off my ‘death bed’ and go ahead with the party with my friends, but sadly did end up back in hospital the next day as it all proved too much (yes I know, you can call me a silly arse). My point is here, I didn’t try to make the party happen, I made it happen and I wouldn’t have had it any other way, especially as a very dear friend who passed away recently was the light and soul of the party and the photos of us together are some of the fondest memories I have which of us having fun.
I guess therefore, that when I heard Dr Edith boom out ‘Trying is Lying’ it was a stark reminder to stop moaning about my middle aged spread and do something about it. Whilst I only have a few kgs to lose, they remained stubbornly glued to my middle, resistant to change. This statement reminded me that if I was really honest with myself I wasn’t really doing much to change the status quo, a few more raw veggies here and there did not a diet make!
As we get older, we can’t eat like we used to and exercise takes more effort. I was guilty of talking about change, not doing it. So, I decided to try a weight loss app for the first time ever (they didn’t exist when I needed to lose weight before). After much research, I settled on Noom (https://www.noom.com/) and so far so good. I’m getting used to new habits and being accountable for my actions whether that is eating better or exercising more and I’m seeing change – 2 kgs gone so far with 2 more to go.
So thank you Dr Edith, I’ve ditched the trying, I’ve stopped lying to myself and I am actually doing.
What are you going to ditch trying to do and actually do? I’d love to hear!
With love
Julia, AKA Just Me.