Well, now as the dust settles, and I’ve caught up on some sleep, I’m taking time to reflect on the Jubilee. Before I go any further, I must confess to being a ardent Royalist so admit my reflections might be slightly coloured. However, that being said, I don’t know many people who could fail to look at all the work our Majesty Queen Elizabeth has done and not have some semblance of respect for her 70 years of dedicated service. But could she have done it alone, without her ‘strength and stay’ Prince Philip? Could a single person successfully rule a country and retain their sanity? Are some roles just too big to do alone?
A quick search on the Web would tend to lead me to believe that the answer is no, the top job can’t be done alone although I accept that historical monarchs sometimes married for dynastic reasons.
Google tells me that 4 monachs were never wed – William II, Edward V, Edward VI and of course Elizabeth I all lived and died unmarried. History would deem these monarchs were successful although most have many lovers. And whilst Edward VII was unmarried during his brief tenure as monarch, we know he had Wallis hanging around in the background. Thirteen monarchs married after their accession and whilst this was a while ago, is this is a sign that some jobs are just too big for a single person?
And if a monarch is single or married, how many mistresses or lovers to do they have to keep them company? Apparently King George IV had 6 mistresses as did King Edward VII, whilst King Charles II had 10 recorded mistresses and we all know King Henry VIII was a horny old devil who claims to have had 12 mistresses outside his wives, although some historians believe it was at least twice that.
I must admit, the higher you go in management, the lonelier it gets, so I can only but imagine how difficult it must be as monarch and if you don’t have that person with whom you can share everything, it must be an impossible ask. But, is it better to have a ‘locked in’ confidant whom you don’t love, but know they will hold your secrets or to be single and free?
A look back at the marriage between Prince Charles and Lady Diana Spencer reminds us that marrying without love and respect is a recipe for disaster. History (aka The Crown) would lead us to believe that Charles was under pressure to marry and did so out of duty rather than out of love. We all know that it didn’t have a happy ending and does, I believe, fuel my belief that being single is a better all round solution rather than being in an unhappy marriage or partnership. Would Charles have made better decisions had he been allowed to stay single or indeed to have married Camilla earlier? I’m pleased he now has his happy ending, but was the pain of the journey worth it?
On my journey to being a happy singleton, I’ve also experienced the ups and downs of relationships and marriage and whilst I one day hope to ‘find the one’, I would rather find the one for ‘right now’ and accept that nothing lasts forever, rather than accept that once I find the one, there is no way out if the relationship begins to fail. Does this thought process sound too short termism? Does this mean I don’t have staying power? I can’t really answer those questions at the moment, but I do know that I am better alone than in a relationship which doesn’t fulfil me and I think that can be said for most people. (I acknowledge that some have to marry or enter into a relationship for other reasons, but that is far too complex for me to try and answer).
When I look at some of those magnificent images of our Queen projected on to Buckingham palace, some with Prince Philip by her side, but many without, I’m humbled by the amount of work she has done throughout these last 70 years. I don’t doubt that she wouldn’t have been as successful or as happy without her husband by her side.
Being single is sometimes hard but with practice, it becomes easier. Choice becomes everything. For example, after a stint supporting my local Rotary Club at a local Jubilee street party where I had been on my feet for over 9 hours after a very late night at a Killers Concert in London the night before, I was too tired to cook, but knew I needed to eat. A quick look in the fridge and freezer solved the problem, I had a banana milkshake for dinner (yum!) Quick, simple, nutritious, problem solved! There was no pressure to cook, send out for a take away that I didn’t want, please someone else, I just pleased myself (although I will admit I would have given anything for a restorative foot rub!) Somethings just aren’t the same when you’re single, but hey ho, on balance for me right now, I can forego the foot rub for the freedom to choose a milkshake for dinner!
If you find yourself single right now, not through choice, I do sympathise. A very dear friend of mine was recently widowed and I know he’s struggling, so I don’t say these things lightly. The single life isn’t all milkshakes and concerts, but with practice, it does get better and the single life can be fulfilling.
Make small steps, take the brave choices, engage with me here and let’s explore this journey together. We may not be destined to rule the country, but we can rule our own destinies and make the right choices for right now.
With love
Julia – AKA Just me.