So, spring is finally here and the blossoms are out, but why, oh why, oh why, won’t it stop raining? It doesn’t really feel like spring and I shouldn’t need to have my electric blanket on at the end of April! So why, you may ask, am I writing about new beginnings when the weather is telling me otherwise?
To be honest, it’s been a difficult year, my work life balance is way out of kilter. My mum although now relatively well, is still struggling with the aftermath of her stroke and whilst Dad is doing the best a blind octogenarian with a heart condition can, the need for support is even more pressing. This, in turn, sometimes weighs heavily on my soul and the choices I’ve made leading to me living 3 hours away from them.
However, I realised today that I am celebrating new beginnings and it happened in the simplest of ways, I went for a walk back down to my beloved Thames Path and strolled along the river taking in the glorious blossoms and nature at it’s best.
To be fair, it wasn’t planned, but there was a window in the rain, the sun was shining and I was struggling to concentrate on my ‘to do’ list which was turning into more of a ‘to don’t’ list, so I thought why not? Thank god it was sunny enough for sunglasses, so I was able to go out without any make up on and really seize the moment between showers!
I was immediately greeted by a lovable Jackapoo called Emma and had a lovely chat with her mum before hitting the Thames Path and enjoying the fresh air. It was only when I was on my way back, down a bit of a secluded path before it opened up to the lock that I realised this was my first walk on my own since early February and what is now known to a selected few, as ‘the incident’.
The penny dropped with a mighty clang as a young man wearing a hoody was walking towards me. He was dressed in a benign beige hoody, was not at all threatening in any way, in fact he looked a bit like the painting of Jesus you see, all mousy brown hair and beard and he was avoiding all eye contact (I still smile at strangers, I can’t help it, I’m a northerner at heart!) However, I felt myself tense up and hold my breath. My hearing was on high alert, my pulse quickened and although I resisted the urge to look around, I was poised to run or fight, whichever came first. You may ask, ‘why on earth would I have such a strong reaction to a young man, just going about his business’?
The answer lays in ‘the incident’ when our Group got mugged whilst on holiday. I was attacked first and hadn’t seen it coming, I was attacked from behind, pulled to the ground and dragged along the floor by my assailant as he tried to grab my handbag. Luckily the Group I was with heard the commotion and ran to my aid before the attacker pulled a knife to which they obviously then backed off and he ran off. His fellow attackers then went for 3 other women in the Group before coming back to me as by that time I was sat with my head in my hands trying to stem the bleeding from my head. As they hadn’t got my bag the first time, it was a heavy duty canvas cross body bag, they tried a second time, again attacking me from behind and this time pulling me forwards by the bag’s sturdy strap, before running off when more rescuers began the fight back*.
As horrible as this sounds, and in the moment it was, none of us were badly injured and after a few days, the cuts and bruises were beginning to fade and we recovered our senses of humour and gratitude that it wasn’t worse. What I hadn’t realised, was how this was continuing to affect me. Whilst I’ve had great joy walking the parent’s dear Cockerpoo, Dave on my visits up to see them, it’s always been around where they live and the park which is always full of children and parents enjoying the amenities. Today, I realised that I have been avoiding my early morning walks, blaming the weather, or overwhelming tiredness, when actually, I think I was slightly scared of going out alone along the river where I’ve lived for the last 11 years, I just hadn’t realised it.
Walking in the early morning has always been my kickstart to the day, come rain or shine and there’s a regular cohort of dog walkers and joggers to say hi to. It helps me assemble my thoughts and prioritise the tasks for the day. It is also the time to get in some steps and fresh air before I get chained to my desk for the rest of the day. Walking has usually been my sanctuary and today I realised how much I miss it. So, without further reflection, I have resolved to get back out there and not let one ‘incident’ change my life more than it already has. It’s about accepting the past and not letting it adversely affect the future. We are masters and mistresses of our destinies.
So, in honour of today’s breakthrough, I’m celebrating new beginnings as this butterfly emerges from her own chrysalis cocoon and emerges to smell the roses and walk along the river again at whatever time of day I choose (not in the dark obvs!) New beginnings don’t have to involve anything massive such as a new relationship, a new job or moving house. New beginnings can simply be rediscovering what lights your fire or brings you joy.
What new beginnings are you going to start as we enter the merry month of May?
I’d love to hear from you, so please drop me a message below, or email me at [email protected].
*And no, just in case you were wondering, they didn’t get my bag, I managed to hold on to it!
With love
Julia, AKA Just Me.