So, here we go again, mid November and I’m still single, so it’s bound to be another single Christmas. OK, so maybe I’m being a tad pessimistic, but given that I’m not actually out there on the dating scene, or god forbid, on any dating apps, you could say it’s my own fault. And I guess you are right even though I am secretly hoping that my eyes will one day lock contact with some tall, dark, handsome, eligible stranger (between the ages of 55 and 65 with no baggage and a fondness for a challenge) and we will fall madly, passionately in love until death do us part. Knowing my luck, one of us would get knocked down on the way out of whatever gin joint we met in, such is my lack of dating luck over the last decade!
So, as a self-styled singles survivor, and even advocate of the single lifestyle, here are my top 20 tips for surviving the perils of yet another singles Christmas:
1. Embrace your single status: celebrate the joy of not fretting over what your dearly beloved might get up to at the Christmas party and spend Christmas where you want, with whom you want, when you want.
2. Take control of the remote control and plan your seasonal viewing: no arguing or having to sit through countless reruns of Only Fools & Horses (unless you want to). Celebrate the freedom of choice which is a healthy by-product of being single.
3. Put up some Christmas decorations: I’m not talking about the crazy Christmas craze of lighting up your house like Blackpool illuminations, but making the effort to change the look and feel of your home to bring a smile to your face when you walk through the door on these damp, dark evenings. A few jolly Christmas decorations and displaying the cards people have been kind enough to send to you will lift your spirits and, if you are a clean freak, remember it’s not forever just a week or two – unless you intend to go the whole hog until twelfth night (no thanks!)
4. Go early on the mince pies/pigs in blankets/Brussels sprouts etc: if these are your ‘thing’ there’s no rule to say you have to wait until Santa’s been, so go early and savour every bite, I won’t tell if you don’t tell 😉.
5. Shop early: don’t leave it until the last minute and then get even more stressed at this stressy time of year. Make a list, do what you can by shopping local (or online) and celebrate the smugness of being all done and wrapped up nice and early! Then celebrate with a large slice of festive indulgence, put your feet up and admire your hard work!
6. A cheeky snifter to start the evening: If you simply have to go to an event which you’d really rather not go to but have to, imbibe one or two glasses of fizz to get you in the mood. Seriously, I’m a total lightweight with regards to drinking and if alcohol was banned, it wouldn’t change my world very much. However, I find that starting the evening on a high, will see me through just about anything, BUT limit yourself to 2 – drunk is not a good look, and you don’t want to be the talking point of the office – dignity is everything!
7. No more faking it: Whether that is between the sheets after one too many mince pies, or upon opening yet another gift of tacky/too tight/skimpy underwear/poor taste comedy socks (delete as appropriate). Or was it just me who was unlucky in the boyfriend gifts department?
8. Mindful Christmas card messages: OK, I’ll be honest, I love receiving a hand written Christmas card. A personal message through the post means the world to me and is something I appreciate and enjoy, so in turn, I try and write early and send a very personal note. I take my time and remember how lucky I am to have such lovely people in my life. Definitely no ‘round robin’ letters from me (or to me please!) With postage costs increasing by the minute, it pays to go early and take advantage of second class!
9. Buy some mistletoe: go on, I dare you….. and use it with gay abandon, even if just to scare off the delivery people or the neighbours!
10. Buy yourself a wonderful gift: and remember to celebrate just how fantastic you have been this year and how much you have achieved. Christmas should be thinking about loved ones, but don’t forget to show yourself a little love too. We are always our own worst critics and should practice more self care.
11. Write to Santa: seriously, if you want to change what you have, write a letter to Santa. It can be a letter of two halves, writing down and ridding your mind of all the rubbish which has happened this year and then a letter noting down what you want for the future. Be brutally honest about your wishes for the year ahead and then send it off in flames up into the universe and start manifesting a new future and waving good bye to the less good stuff which may have happened this year. A word of warning here, if you don’t have a fire or a swanky log burner, take care to do this outside in a safe space, no house fires please!
12. Invite the neighbours round for a drink: remember all that neighbourly bonhomie we felt during Covid which might have dissipated slightly? Set aside a date, defrost some sausage rolls, slice up some cake or chop up some cheese and send out an invite; or pop a note through everyone’s door inviting them to drop round and bring a bottle. Why wait for the next pandemic before being galvanised into action?!
13. Volunteer: either on the run up to Christmas or over Christmas & Boxing Day, and remember how blessed you really are. Keeping busy is usually a great antidote to wallowing in self-pity and the satisfaction of helping others always brings a smile to my face.
14. Donate to charity: one of my favourites is making up either a ‘gift shoebox’ for the local people in need or buying a gift for the local children’s charity and enjoy knowing that what you would have spent on ‘the other half’ is being appreciated and enjoyed by someone else.
15. Dress up & make an effort, ditch the jim-jams: it’s no secret that I have a habit, a clothes habit and I love putting together a ‘look’, whether that’s for the inevitable parties at this time of year, or for a walk in the crisp autumnal weather. When I look well put together, I feel in control and confident, and can style out my single status anywhere!
16. Be kind to yourself: take some time out, have that spa evening at home or an indulgent night on the sofa with a take-away. If you don’t want to go out, politely thank whoever for the invitation, explain that you are putting you first and taking a moment/evening/weekend for some self care. People will be more understanding than you think.
17. Sleep: easier said than done right? Yup! From one insomniac to many others out there, I know it can be hard, but if you struggle with surviving your singleton Christmases try and ensure you get enough sleep (and no I’m not talking the alcohol infused kind of sleep, but proper deep and dreamless sleep). I know many people have to work throughout Christmas, especially the emergency services, retail staff and carers, but if you are lucky enough to have more than a day or two off, try and get into better sleep habits. Get plenty of fresh air and, if you are able, go for a few long walks or go to the gym. Recover from the year gone by, and face into the new year well rested and fortified.
18. Be proactive: this way you have an element of control. Don’t sit at home waiting for the phone to ring. Plan ahead and be the one to pick up the phone to your friends and/or family; if you are flying solo throughout, have a plan, get active, have a reason to get up every day – time is precious and life isn’t a rehearsal, once it’s gone, it’s gone, so make this festive season count.
19. Plan some fun events: dress up warm and cosy, take a trip to see your local Christmas lights, buy some mulled wine or cider, find a seat and watch both the good and bad examples of coupledom unfolding around you. Or take yourself off to see a show or pantomime. Remember what Christmas is supposed to be really about – peace on Earth and goodwill to all humankind. Then go home, switch on the electric blanket, snuggle down and count your blessings.
20. If you really can’t stand the thought of another single Christmas: Pack up your bags, take a trip and change the narrative. Check out: https://www.women-on-the-road.com/alternative-christmas-holidays.html
Please send me your top tips for surviving solo Christmases and let me know if you try out any of my top tips.
Whatever you do, enjoy, be kind to yourself and face into 2024 with positivity and the joy of knowing you are in control.
With love
Julia, AKA Just Me.