OK, so I admit it, I have secret single behaviours and I bet you do too? Whether you’re married, in a relationship or just in the throes of a new romance, I think we all have them, but some become more extreme the longer you are single! So what do I mean by secret single behaviours? It’s those things that you do behind closed doors which, quite frankly, should never be shared with anyone else.
I’ve been single for so long, I sometimes catch myself doing the oddest things… this morning I knew I needed to do my arm and shoulder exercises ready for the sleeveless summer dresses, but I was feeling a bit below par after a stupidly busy week. I got up and, instead of putting on my proper gym kit (even though I was going to do my ‘home’ routine), popped on a yoga top with Lycra to try and uphold the bosoms as the thought of wrestling with my sports bra was just waaaaaay too much effort. I then slipped on some Bridget Jones knickers instead of my leggings – I looked a sight, but why not? No one was watching and I was at least safely tucked in and protected from any low flying dumbbells.
About half way through I heard a delivery van draw up and, whilst I knew I wasn’t expecting anything so it must belong to the neighbours, I honestly came out in a cold sweat in case I had to answer the doorbell. I started searching around for coverage in case I had to run downstairs and answer the door. As I heard the van drive off, I began laughing at my own ridiculousness and that’s what got me thinking about what other secret single behaviours have I adopted since being totally solo.
There are the obvious ones, like face packs at midnight and plucking endeavours from places a growing girl should never expect to have to preen, but surely everyone does these behind a securely locked and bolted bathroom door?
Or do couples feel comfortable to do this in front of each other? I can’t help feeling that sharing everything with a partner eradicates any privacy and mystery. Is it normal to go to the loo in front of someone? Is it even necessary? A friend of mine was talking about the makeover she had just finished in a glorious new apartment and recounted how the workman was horrified when she’d insisted that the double ‘his and hers’ sinks be removed and replaced with a single unit because she didn’t want her hubby sharing the bathroom whilst she attended to her inner goddess. I must admit that I agree with her and, even when I was married(many moons ago), we adopted separate bathrooms as ‘beautifying’ in front of a spouse is just not something I’m comfortable with. I prefer to do the big reveal when I’m buffed and polished and ready to go out. It’s not a vanity thing and doesn’t mean that every day had to be a make-up day: I used to enjoy stripping back to what nature intended at weekends, or evenings. It’s more about the process and the chance to have some privacy.
I remember when I was young, I caught mum and dad sharing a toothbrush whilst we were away on holiday in our tiny caravan because one of them had forgotten to pack theirs. I was revolted and, not being the shy and retiring type, I told them as much. They just laughed and said it was alright because they were used to sharing things because that’s what mummies and daddies do. At the time, I couldn’t understand what they meant, but I think I do now 😉.
Not all secret single behaviours are related to intimacy of course. I know that my eating habits can sometimes not be to everyone’s taste, but what’s wrong with granola straight out of the packet for Sunday lunch? Or getting up at 4am to write a blog without the fear of disturbing someone? Being single brings a lot of challenge but also a lot of choice. But can you be too single for too long?Has my tolerance threshold disappeared because I only have myself to please? I’d like to think not as I’m surrounded 5 days a week with Millennials and Gen Zs who demand a lot of support; outside of that I support my elderly parents and have an eclectic bunch of friends who keep me on my toes. I honestly don’t live in isolation, but I am comfortable in my own company.
However, I do sometimes worry that being single for such a long time means that I really am turning into the crazy lady who lives alone.
So what’s my point here? Does being single enable me to feel free as a bird in my own home and, if so, will it be difficult to rein it in if I find my soulmate? Will I ever be able to live with anyone again? Or have I gone past the point of no return, and therefore is my happy ever after designed to be in the house next door to Mr Right, connecting through the communal door by prior agreement? I must admit, that has a certain appeal. Every night we choose to open the door would be like a date night!
There was an article in the paper this week stating that married couples lived longer and were happier than singletons. Personally speaking, I’m not so sure I agree with this. Snoring has probably caused the biggest amount of strife in most of my relationships as I’m an exceedingly light sleeper and it’s getting worse as I get older. On occasion, I have been very tempted to grab a pillow and put it somewhere to smoother the most irritating noise on the planet, (and I’m sure I’m not alone in those thoughts). However, I can agree that snuggling up and having a lovely cuddle before sleep and first thing in the morning is in my top 10 of pleasures, it’s just the bit in between which can prove challenging.
As we all venture back to some semblance of normality post Covid, I know of some couples who thrived during lockdown and are closer as a result, but I also know of couples who are delighted to have the chance to indulge in some ‘me time’ away from their spouse, enjoy a girls night in alone at home to either get plucking and preening whilst the other half is out, or eat fishfinger sandwiches and watch Coronation Street. There are of course some couples who found the enforced 24/7 coupledom too much and as a result have now split up which is sad, but probably inevitable (in some particular cases).
I’m sure there is a happy compromise, but remember, there is no normal, you just have to find what’s normal for you at a particular moment in time and do what makes you happy. Single brings choices. If the perfect partner comes along for me, I’d like to think that there is a compromise to be had but, if not, I’m happy in my slightly crazy single bubble with my Bridget Jones knickers and my new friends at Jetty Socials.